with your own penis?
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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