I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize