I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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