Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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