I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
