I accidentally had phone sex last night
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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