Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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