So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
