So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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