I have demons in me.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
