that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
