This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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