apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
