I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
