Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
