Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
