Three words: puerto rican gang bang
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
