Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
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