She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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