everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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