By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
