Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
there is puke in my bra ... again
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize