Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
