I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
