Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
