I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
