i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize