I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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