The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Welp...herpes.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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