I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
