Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Randomize
