i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
