I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
