Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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