Duck Duck Cougar?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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