just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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