I need to stop coming to work sober
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
