awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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