I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
