are you still at the devil's house?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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