better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
