First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
