it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
