Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize