So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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