Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize