White coat. Heels.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
