so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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