I CAN MOONWALK!
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
