dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Soap is not a condiment
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize