JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
