And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
