I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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