Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize