Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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