i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
