So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize