One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize