There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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