I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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