Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Do vagina's smell?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
FUCK WHALES
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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