my phone needs a breathalizer
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
