Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
