I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
