when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
