but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
