Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
