I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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