i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
