I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
