i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize